Throughout anyone’s grappling career, there are moments where you level up. These upgrades don’t always happen under the lights of a competition mat. Sometimes, they happen in your own academy—when you finally have a breakthrough roll with that purple belt who’s always one step ahead of you.
When these moments arrive, your toughest opponent is often your own mind.
Am I really good enough to hang with that guy? Or did I just get lucky?
The ability to conquer that inner voice is what separates grapplers who break through from those who stall out.
The Boogeyman Match
A few years ago, I learned this lesson the hard way in a match against Richie “Boogeyman” Martinez.
It was a submission-only tournament with a $10K cash prize. The lineup was stacked—Gordon Ryan, Bill Cooper, Jeff Monson, Vinny Magalhães, Hector Lombard, and Boogey. I was just an alternate, but I had a good feeling I’d get the call as competitors started dropping out.
When my phone rang, I was honored—genuinely honored—to be on the same stage as so many great grapplers.
My first match was against Josh Bacallao, a guy I knew well from the gym. We battled hard, and I won in overtime via quickest escape under EBI rules. Cool moment.
I was pumped… but here’s the problem: I wasn’t thinking about winning the whole thing. My mindset was, Wow, I really won a match. How cool is that?
“Just Happy to Be Here”
My next match was against Boogeyman himself. I was excited—but not because I thought I could beat him. I was excited just to share the mat with him on a Pay-Per-View stage.
In my mind, win, lose, or draw, I was already satisfied.
The match was a war. The crowd was chanting my name. We went to overtime—twice. In the third OT, I knew riding time was close, so I took a risk to escape faster.
Boogey pounced. He locked in a rear naked choke. I defended the top hand like the textbook says, but he transitioned to a nasty neck crank.
It wasn’t going to put me out. I could’ve fought a few more seconds.
But in my head? I’d already “done enough.”
I’d won a match, taken Boogey to triple overtime, and the crowd was behind me. That was “good enough.”
And that’s why I lost.
The Real Lesson
The match was decided long before that neck crank. The truth is, I’d been carrying a quiet, poisonous thought all day: It’s just an honor to be here.
That mindset was my ceiling. I wasn’t there to win—I was there to “do my best.” And the moment my mind found an excuse to quit, it took it.
Go to Win — Or Don’t Go
Whether it’s a world-class opponent or the toughest purple belt in your gym, if you walk in thinking, Wow, it’s just an honor to be invited, you’ve already given yourself permission to lose.
Go to win. Or don’t go at all.
Because all it takes is one sliver of doubt—one shadow in the corner of your mind—to give you a reason to quit.
Don’t settle for “just being here is good enough.” That mindset is the silent killer of greatness.
Build the Game to Beat Anyone
Never walk into a match without the tools to finish.
🦵 Leglocks for Dummies – My complete system for controlling, trapping, and finishing legs in gi, no-gi, and competition:
https://leglocks.unclecoachkevin.com/
🥋 Gracie Trinity Online Academy – Full training courses, Q&A, and a community of dedicated grapplers:
https://www.skool.com/gracie-trinity-academy
